she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize