And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
