Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
