i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
