I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the raccoons are back...
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