Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
