Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
