So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
