would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
