Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
