Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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