dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That accounts for only three of the penises
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
