I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
