We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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