Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found the puke drawer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
