she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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