I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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