I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
