we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
