If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
