I just made out with a guy for $7.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
