Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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