Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
