everyone is single if you try hard enough
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
