just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
