I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
