Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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