last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
