I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
