Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
