we have officially lost it.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My cat gives me a boner
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize