He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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