im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
