I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
