I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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