Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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