the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
