Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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