I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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