he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
