I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
