at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
