Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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