Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
