my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
