She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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