sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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