WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
