Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
