We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
