FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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