hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
