They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
