textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
