I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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