Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
