awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
