Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just pee around me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
