What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
