I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
