I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
