mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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