I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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