I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
