I wish I could teleport
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
