I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
