Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
