I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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