Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
