too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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