Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
