i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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