i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
