I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
